Thursday, February 16, 2012

This is why I barred myself from the internet to read Harry Potter 6.

So I've been waiting since July of last year to read Thrall: Twilight of the Aspects because I'm too cheap to buy a hardcover, and one month before the paperback is finally going to be released, I happened to browse through Wowpedia only to get smacked in the face with a goddamn spoiler. I'm assuming that all of you either disregarded the seven dollar difference in price and read the book promptly, are smart enough to have read it for free by sitting in Barnes & Noble, or don't give a damn about esoteric game lore. Stop reading here if you're just a dumbass like me.


They fucking killed Krasus!

Admittedly, he was never a very important character. The only time the player really interacts with him is when s/he flies up to the to of Wyrmrest Temple for the first time to ogle the Dragon Queen and realizes that the stoically quiet "elf" standing next to her is her boy toy. But he seemed like a cool guy. He didn't have a problem being second-in-command to a powerful woman. He was progressive like that. Plus, he must have been amazing in bed to be an Aspect's consort. It doesn't matter now though because Blizzard killed him. What did he ever do to you, Christie Golden?!

And the worst part is that now I feel really REALLY bad for Alexstrasza. I've already written about how I think she's a warmongering bitch who is playing the Horde and Alliance as pawns in her grand murderous schemes, but now that Blizzard has finally succeeded in killing off all of her lovers, I just want to give her a tissue and a hug. Like... damn. She had four consorts, life partners and fathers to her children, and now they're all dead. Blizz, you are just a bunch of heartless bastards. Give the girl a break.

By the way, I still haven't read the book. I already waited this long; might as well stick it out another two weeks. Like a dumbass.


Friday, February 10, 2012

I'm a liberal flower-picking hippie. Of course I have to care about this stuff.

The "Love is in the Air" holiday is so
gayovertly effeminate.

Oddly masculine...
Having played an MMO for five years, I've found that lately my vocabulary has been not so politically correct. Yes, "gay" does not necessarily denote a derogatory reference to homosexuals, and using the word to describe an in-game holiday that involves presenting faction leaders charm bracelets to receive pink cards does not make me a bigot. But as any post-structuralist will purport, language not only expresses what people feel, it also actively affects how they think until "just kidding, I know women don't exist to make me sammiches" turns into someone with a "make me a sammich" mentality for reals.

Unfortunately, certain words and phrases have become key elements in our, the MMO geeks', vocabulary, and we do need them to function and communicate our thoughts effectively. Lucky for you, my dear reader, I have taken the liberty of egalitarianizing common expressions to be more PC. I hope you will find these useful in your everyday dealings as a modern gamer.

Situation: Complaining about the nerfed state of WoW.
Not this: "And I was like hurrdurr move out of fire."
But this: "The game is so casual now that the mechanics are nothing but simple things like moving out of fire."

Situation: Gold farmers spamming trade.
Not this: "DIAF Chinaman."
But this: "Though we recognize that it is your livelihood to sell gold, it is inconvenient for us that you spam multiple chat channels and /yell concurrently."

Situation: Pugging with Latin American servers.
Not this: "Is everyone on Quel'Thalas fucking bad?!"
But this: "Because of the language barrier, I do not enjoy playing with people from Quel'Thalas since I cannot instruct them on how to prevent the adds on Corla from evolving. Repeatedly."

Situation: Interacting with girl gamers.
Not this: "Tits or GTFO."
But this: "I understand that you as a female will not gratify me by showing me your breasts, but I will be content in appreciating you as a player for your leet deeps."

Yea, they're kind of lengthy. Make macros.