State of Mind Status Report: NG

Over the past few years, I have worked to be actively involved in gamer culture through WoW raiding, frequenting forums, and, of course, writing this blog. While I haven't developed the same presence as successful streamers and respected community figures, I definitely feel like I am part of the in-group when people talk about gamers, and the struggles of the gaming industry and how they affect its customers automatically feel like my struggles. When YouTube was originally set to buy out Twitch, that was news that affected me and everyone around me. When the last of PopCap's founding members left the team, I stopped to consider to the ramifications for the company and for the fans of its games. Despite its recent land-grab-esque growth and inherent focus on the fictional, gaming is a business that revolves around people, and it's a large amount of them. Whether or not they consider themselves "gamers," over a billion people worldwide technically are.

Not actually me.

Yet, while I feel generally proud to include myself in the more "hardcore" demographic of online gamer, there are times when I just hate it. No, I am not a self-loathing gamer who is ashamed of what I do for fun, and no, I don't think gaming is an idiotic waste of time. The problem is the community, which can range from the dregs of the anonymous internet to the supportive and intelligent debaters of (some) forums. As much effort as companies put into making their social environments hate-free and promoting camaraderie, either it's not enough to keep the racist/sexist/oppressive attitudes from invading our virtual worlds or it just hits the all-destroying event horizon of the internet and the work becomes all for naught. When I see the "douchenozzle backlash," which is what I call the gamer version of "conservative backlash," to women branching out in the industry or hearing highly racist comments that are written off as jokes in voice chat, it makes me wonder over and over if this community is even capable of reform. It's enough to make me want to back away, not giving up gaming altogether, but rather focusing my creative efforts on another area like music or fiction, where the emphasis is on creation instead of competition.

Unfortunately, this isn't a qualm that I solely associate with the gaming subculture or the internet. In fact, I'm becoming rather disenchanted with the world at large: the constant struggle against conservative backlash, not just minorities but also the general public losing rights it thought it already had, and in the end, nothing progressive ever getting accomplished and everyone living oppressed and in fear. There's no way to back away from all of this, and more and more the fight seems futile. Someone please tell me that we've even achieved anything that hasn't been taken right back by the status quo, and maybe I can still have faith that the gaming community and this planet have chances at becoming decent places.

-Avia.

Avia's Birthcon 2014!

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!

Yes, it's that time of year when I celebrate my special day by spending an entire week excited about growing older, wiser, and slightly less taut only to be brought crashing back down by some concerned comment from my family about how I'm "already" almost thirty and still gaming.

They must have not gotten the memo, but 50 is the new 40, 40 is the new 25, and your thirties are just your twenties with money, so I'm not sure why the "already" was necessary. They probably didn't get the other memo that everyone is a gamer now, and there's no reason for them to put such a stigmatizing stereotype on it that implies that anyone who plays a video game automatically has nothing else going on in his/her life. No one assumes that people who play golf do nothing but play golf, but a hobby like video gaming instantly evokes the image of a shut-in with no job.

Of course, one can attribute this to the fact that many people who game, or at least the most visible ones to the mainstream, are 20-something noobs at life with no jobs. Yet, when I was fresh out of my first attempt at college, I was a 20-something noob at life who was at parties twice a week, drinking and dancing until the lights came on at 4am, and there was no judgement for that kind of lifestyle; it was deemed normal for someone my age regardless of how unproductive it seemed when looked at in a shallow way. Sure, some gamers end up top-grossing streamers and subculture celebrities, but most don't. And sure, some people in underground EDM end up DJs and promoters, but for all the people who don't, who gives a shit if they spent a few years of their lives enjoying a hobby while they worked on other things?

Anyway, I'm still having a super fucking birthday, not just today but all. damn. week.

-Avia.